Shinji's War
by Squire of Gothos
Summary: Shinji gains strength from a strange friendship. Asuka becomes confused. Rei gets way more than she bargained for
1. Chapter 1

Shinji's War

I am not the sea. I am not the waves. I am not love. I am the blood of the sea, the crush of the waves, the desperation of love. I am the blackness which eats the reluctant heart. I am Death's lover, but then, who is not?

-Aphrodite, Goddess of passion

The ethics of a full-alert siren are a tricky business, especially if one happens to be sitting back against the wall of a certain squat building. Several such buildings were scattered throughout Tokyo-3, and their purpose was to warn its denizens of impending doom. In this case, one Shinji Ikari happened to have been sitting against such a wall.

That had been fifteen minutes ago, and his ears were still ringing. He was currently slumped against a nameless wall in the Geofront, holding his pounding head, pondering his plight, and the past month. The Geofront, a cavernous space beneath Tokyo-3, held mankind's salvation, in the forms of three fallen gods. Two such gods were being prepared for launch, and Shinji was bound to pilot one of them.

The idea of piloting a clone of an otherworldly monster, however, was not the cause of his distress. Nor was it the earsplittingly loud siren that had startled him out of his clothes twenty minutes ago, truth be told. No, his problems were far more primal, far more terrifying. Seductively terrifying. Or maybe terrifyingly seductive. In the distance, echoing strains of colorful German curses tickled his buzzing ears. They were a precursor to a storm which was furious in its onslaught.

"...no, I don't care if there's no weapons elevators in that area, truck it there if you have to! And while I'm on the subject... Scheisse! Why aren't you in your plug suit yet? Are you that desperate to wear one of mine again? I had to wash that thing three times, you know! You mess up this battle, and I'll waste you! Oh no, you get back here, I'm not done talking with you..."

And with that, she had come and gone. His heart went out to the poor tech she had been dragging along. He trudged along the hall, towards the men's changing room, struggling against the guilt that was pushing him down. People were about to die. Probably were already dying. He tried to hold onto that fact, and let the morbidity of it consume the rest of his feelings, but he couldn't. He couldn't stop the strange fascination he felt from growing. It grew in his chest, like a sullen ache, until it was almost unbearable.

Excitement. Pleasure. The thrill of something forbidden, something so alien, so completely outside the normal that it sent tingles crawling up his spine. And immediately after that, a chill, when he considered with his logical mind what was undoubtedly about to happen.

_I'll win,_ he told himself firmly. _I always win._

That much was probably true.

_I'll just do it without so many casualties._

That part, not so much.

Even so, it was in his hands. Everything was in his hands. That wasn't what scared him. That wasn't what kept him up at night, wondering if the next day would herald another attack, another chance meeting with his closest friend. No, what scared him was far more simple.

"Shinji! There you are..."

He turned to see the bouncing raven tresses of Misato Katsuragi, as she jogged gracefully towards him. A certain humorous thought stole its way across his consciousness, the idea that a certain otaku friend of his would have given his soul to be where he stood, with a camera. His some-time Guardian, some-time Commanding Officer, and some-time faux-mother gave him a curious look, then shook her head.

"Hurry! Get changed, you launch in three minutes!"

She gave him an urgent push into the changing room, and his reflexes took over, allowing him a few moments of peace and torment while he changed. A few minutes to ponder what truly scared him.

Every casualty in the war so far, all the people who had died, he questioned whether he was responsible. Not whether he could have saved them, if he had been just a little faster or stronger. What kept him up at night was the possibility that on some level, in some part of his subconscious decision-making, he had actually let them die, just so he could have a little more time with her.

A few more blissful moments in purgatory.

* * *

It was peaceful in the sky. He could barely feel the buffeting of the wind, as the giant flying-wing F-Type equipment carried him over the city. The incessant murmuring of Misato going over the mission plan for the umpteenth time was by now easy to ignore. He had grown used to ignoring a lot of things by now. If he actually thought about them, he wouldn't be able to take it.

Piloting, he knew. He had piloted countless times, and had emerged successfully from multiple battles with actual Angels. Each battle had been different, he knew not to get cocky, but it still felt good to have won.

Asuka. He had been in exactly one battle with her, even though they had by now trained together for over a month. Even so, it didn't take a month to see how competitive she was, how much her image mattered to her. As far as he could see, she was his mirror opposite, always bouncing off him, grating against him, trying to change him. He never tried to change her, why couldn't she just accept him as he was? All he wanted was to be accepted, to fit in. It would have bothered him more, if not for another certain someone.

Suddenly he was in free-fall, but his body was already bracing for landing. Subconsciously he had heard Misato's tense countdown, and preparatory speech. The shock of landing further cleared his head, and he automatically accepted the power cord from the waiting truck. He blinked, took a deep breath.

"Hey! Get your head in the game!" Asuka's deadly-serious expression glared at him through a comm window.

"I am in the game...!" he insisted automatically. Yeah, he'd been out of it during the trip, but here he was now, and he had a clear head. Why was she all over him now, when he really was paying attention?

"I don't want to be all alone out there, so you better make sure you give me good support!"

"Right." He had long since found out there was no other right answer than simple agreement. Just for safety, he did the computerized equivalent of checking and clearing the 'magazine' for the auto-mortar pallete gun he was carrying. She was apparently satisfied, for the box winked out, shrinking to a dot which quickly disappeared.

By now it was almost instinctive to walk in perfect lockstep, matching his Eva's stride to Asuka's. His display was cluttered with wrecked buildings half-submerged in the water covering his ankles, and without the helpful blinking circle, he never would have seen the Angel at first glance. Not until he had gotten closer, anyway.

Asuka quickened her pace, and he kept up with her, pulling back slightly to give her the lead. It would have been more galling, if not for the other small matter occupying his mind.

_Outskirts of a wrecked part of the city. There's likely to be no one around to get hurt if this gets ugly._

This brought him mixed relief and disappointment, and with the disappointment, guilt.

_It's not like I want people to die,_ he rationalized. _It's just that, if they do, why can't I take advantage..._ He cut that line of thought off before the excuses began. He would fight the Angel, like he always did. If people died, they would die, and the consequences of that would be what they would be.

_If I see her, I see her. If not, that's okay too._

A part of him wanted to see her, though. Really wanted to see her.

The Angel was in full sight, now.

_It's almost like a person. Like me. Arms, legs, shoulders..._ Well, more like, it was almost all shoulder, but that was just detail.

With a blood-curdling yell, Asuka charged straight at it. Shinji moved to the side, firing a burst. It was all he could do to try to draw the thing's attention at the last second.

"Asuka, wait-" Before the words had completely left his mouth, she had cut it in half. He had been sure she was too close to properly wield her lance, but she had done it. He knew he would go back later and slow down the playback to properly see the complicated flourish she had used, but, again, that was just detail. The point was, the Angel's two halves were sagging down, and it was bleeding into the water. And he knew he would never hear the end of his abortive attempt to stop her.

"Did you see that, Shinji?" Her words dripped with satisfaction, and she actually put one of her Eva's hands on a hip, the other proudly setting the progressive lance into the water. The only upshot, really, was the he would only have to deal with her at school. And during training, and... as he made a list, she continued the torture. "-really, a perfect battle is one that's short and sweet. It's a thing of beauty, like a work of art, or- Gyaah! What the hell-!"

She stepped back a pace, and his simmering embarrassment and anger were scoured away. Two things of beauty were looking up at Asuka from out of the Angel's carcass. They stood up slowly, languidly. Their legs and limbs more sinewy than those of their parent, but they were undoubtedly the same. They stood, one in front of the other, spread apart their limbs in unison, and the sudden confusion of reports from Central Dogma was deafening.

Despite the chaos, Shinji knew there was only one voice that mattered, the one in the pilot seat. She spoke, her voice furious.

"Alright, then we'll do it again!"

This time he could see she was serious, more serious than she had been before. Her movements were more fluid, and at the same time, more hard. He crouched, pulled the trigger, and held it down. Somehow he knew it would be over soon, and that there would be no point conserving ammo.

Asuka drove the Angels backwards, but only for a moment. He tossed the rifle aside, ignoring the screams of the techs, but before he could get up to sprinting speed, the Angels had disarmed Asuka. After a short scuffle, she was sent flying, literally. Maybe it was because he took the time to look for where she fell, maybe it was the general surprise at the Angel's revival and sound defeat of someone he knew to be a martial arts expert, but the only good hit he got in was on the Angel he hit and bowled over.

The Angel grabbed him, and he grabbed the Angel, and it would have been a stalemate except for the other one.

"Careful, Shinji, those things are all muscle..." Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Asuka's disheveled state through the comm box. A line of light red had trickled down from her nose, and her eyes were glassy. Something in him snapped, and he threw the Angel off. He felt something pulse in his chest, and all reason vanished. He knew in the back of his mind he should have been going for his prog knife, but he couldn't think clearly. He just wanted to beat these things until they stopped moving.

One, he could have taken, even in this crazed state, but two were too many.

The next thing he knew, he was upside down against one of the ruined buildings, looking up through the water at the wavering images of the Angels. The first thing he thought was about how messed up he was, that he was seeing double. Then he almost chuckled, remembering that there were two Angels.

He knew from the pain and dizziness that he wouldn't be doing any more fighting for a while.

_People are going to die,_ he thought tiredly._ But this time there's really nothing I can do. So..._

_No!_ He fought desperately against the muzziness, against the guilt. _I've got to fight._ Even if it was just a symbolic gesture, a way to fight against his sick inner longing to just let it all go, he had to fight. He tried to turn himself over, and almost went blind from the pain. When he came to again, voices washed over him.

"-don't move! Please, don't try to move! Is he awake, can he hear me?"

"He's decoupling! There's nothing I can do..."

Through his blurred vision, he saw two red things pointing up in the air, in the distance, and realized it was Asuka's Eva, probably in the same position his was in. He chuckled, then gasped from the pain. There really was nothing he could do, and he felt the guilt drain away.

_There's always a backup plan._

_Maybe they'll launch Rei._

_She'll take care of things._

A burst of white light made him squint. The sun shouldn't have been that bright. The white light expanded, washing all color out, and he realized what they had done moments before the shockwave hit.

_It wasn't me,_ he pleaded to his subconscious. _I didn't tell them to do that! I fought the best I could. It's not my-_

Fortunately, the cushioning effects of the LCL were still functional. Even with them, it felt like he was coming apart. The last thing he felt before the darkness took him, was profound relief.

Complete quiet.

Distant sounds, distorted, like he was underwater.

Someone's arms were around him as he floated upwards, curled around him from behind, holding him tightly. He panicked, unable to see his attacker, and struggled. As he struggled, he began to drift upwards towards the surface, and the arms grasped at him, begging him wordlessly to stay. He instinctively tried to pull away, and he felt their grip loosen. He felt a sense of sorrowfulness from whoever or whatever it was that had tried to grab him. His ascent began to quicken, and then he remembered.

He desperately willed himself to stop rising, tried to pull her back towards him. The arms slid from around him, and he groped desperately, catching a hand before it slid away into the darkness.

_I'm sorry!_ He tried to yell the words, but couldn't make his voice work. He still sensed the sorrowful feeling through the hand he was holding, but even though he could receive, he couldn't seem to send any sort of apology. She was right there, and he had tried to push her away. He knew she had felt that, and had misread him. _Please, wait...!_

He managed to stop his ascent, and dragged himself back downwards what felt like inch by inch. It was like fighting a strong current, and he felt her fingers slipping through his, then he must have gone back down far enough, because the touch got more solid. But that was all it was, the touch of one hand in another, and he knew he couldn't hold on forever.

Then he felt a soft tinkle of laughter, and almost collapsed in on himself in relief. She had played him. He felt her move closer, felt a touch of her forehead on his, almost saw her mischievous smile.

It's okay.

He didn't know if he thought the words, of heard her say them, or if he had put the words into her mouth in his own mind, but it felt right. The current tugging him upwards was stronger now, and he couldn't fight it, he was so relieved.

_No, it's not long enough..._ he sent, and he felt her affectionate response, with a hint of that previous sorrow. It wasn't long enough, but it was what it was, and he couldn't change the circumstances. Her hand was still in his, and he concentrated, trying to preserve that feeling for as long as possible, even as he felt her fade away.

The feeling was only in his mind now, he knew that, but it didn't matter.

He rose more swiftly, unburdened, a feeling of joy racing through him. It was something special, and even though he knew he would feel bad later, for now he enjoyed the happiness. Then he breathed in, his body breathed in, and he coughed weakly, trying not to cry out in pain. As all the travails of the flesh returned to him, one very important fact jumped out at him, driving everything else away into the background.

He felt a hand in his.

Forcing gummy eyelids open, he blinked, and the room came into focus.

"Good. You're awake. I'll inform Doctor Akagi."

Rei's hand slid from his as she smoothly got up and glided away.


	2. Chapter 2

An altered state, by definition, is a sense of the world that is different from the norm. There are as many ways to experience them as there are people, and some might say that a comprehensive guide on how to achieve such a state is impossible for that very reason.

It could be a complicated ritual such as the delicate intricacies of casting a witch's circle, or it could be the utter simplicity of a gamer's trance, where you're so in the zone that nothing from the outside world disturbs you any more. The latter description would be Shinji's plight.

In front of a computer screen he sat, deep in the recesses of the Geofront, the pitch-black room lit only by the monitor's flicker and dance as image after image flashed slowly by. Young. Old. Male and female, the sick and dying along with those in the best of health. People from all walks of life with only one thing in common: he had been the indirect cause of their deaths.

It was two days after his first Angel battle that he had started these searches. Finding the names of all those deceased in the aftermath of a previous attack wasn't hard, not with his direct access. A bit of studying was all it had taken to learn what was needed. Besides, casualty lists, while they would have been alarming if they were publicized, were not considered Top Secret. To label them as such would only have caused a greater clamor.

So, his morbid job was made that much easier. And with a name, a face was that much easier to find. At first, each face that flashed by had been a stab in the heart. He didn't make it through the entire casualty list for the first couple of battles, not in one sitting. Later though, he made up for it, and forced himself to look at every one of them, each of the people he had allowed to die.

In the beginning he had been forced to spend minutes with each one, looking over personal history, just to see what he had ended. Now, he had seen enough that just by seeing how they held themselves for a photograph, he could tell almost anything about them. All it took was a glance. Introverted. Quiet. Proud, austere, hopeful, they flashed by one by one, imprinting themselves onto his mind, to be either forgotten or remembered.

Originally it had felt like they were cursing him, one by one, but lately he imagined that a few of them were actually sympathetic to his plight. A few. Many were indifferent, and more than a couple were blatant, full of hatred at being snuffed out in their prime. There was another reason he did it, though. One other motivation, other than just to offer condolences and sorrow to the victims of Death.

She would come to him. She had begun appearing not even a week after he started the practice, even if her arrival was erratic. Sometimes she was with him immediately, others, not until half an hour into the session. It had puzzled him at first, and then he had begun noticing the signs of her impending arrival.

His vision would begin to get hazy at the edges, or sometimes he would find his movements becoming sluggish, as if he were physically exhausted. One time he had even heard a loud buzzing, like an alarm of some kind, though he later decided that he must have drifted off to sleep and dreamed it.

Even so, the mystical state was always, without fail, preceded by one thing. Inner stillness. If he was agitated or keyed up for any reason, it didn't happen, which was annoying in some ways. For one, he had long since found out that wanting the state only made it harder to obtain. The more he tried to seek it out, the further away it was. The days he didn't care, the days when he was tired of everything, they were magical. It came on all at once, with little trouble.

Which was what made it more frustrating now. All he could think about was how real she had felt, before he had woken up in the hospital room to find Rei at his bedside. He closed his eyes, squeezing his fist until his fingernails bit into his palm. Through closed eyelids he saw flashes as the screen changed, showing one person after another.

_I don't care! It's okay if I don't see her. It's okay... It's not like it matters much._ Not to mention the doubt that continually worked on him, the idea that it was all in his mind anyway. If he didn't see her within a few days after a battle, he usually never saw her till the next one, unless there were a bunch of deaths for some other reason. One time, massive flooding in northern Russia had caught his attention on the news, and for some reason he felt compelled to read about it in more detail. That time she had seemed more real than ever before, as if she were actually sitting beside him at the computer.

_It doesn't matter,_ he repeated to himself. Then he couldn't help but smile at the absurdity. _You're a fool. You're just saying that, trying to convince yourself, so you can see her._ He let out a slow breath. _It doesn't work that way, idiot._

_Idiot. That really is what you are. You-_

"Hey, I know that one..."

The whispered words made him freeze. Somehow he had missed the light touch on his shoulder, as if someone had casually laid an arm across his back and was leaning over, pointing at the screen.

"That's the heir to the Takahashi Estate. Or he was supposed to be, anyway." Her wry chuckle was light and airy, and if he hadn't known who it was before, he knew now. Besides that, there was absolutely no one else in Tokyo 3 who was close enough to behave like this with him.

"You," his voice almost cracked, and he cleared his throat, making sure not to look to the side, "You say you remember that one, don't you remember all of them?" His own chuckle was a lot more nervous, and she answered with another burst of fluting laughter. As embarrassing as it was to be poked fun at, for some reason it was different with her. He didn't mind it as much.

"That," she gasped, catching her breath, still giggling, "That's not true," she insisted, "I wouldn't be able to sleep at night if I remembered them all...!"

"I didn't know you slept," he deadpanned, marveling at what was going on. Sometimes when she was there, all he got were feelings, thought-forms, sometimes a few sentences. Always, there was a palpable presence in the room, something that made his hair stand on end, but it had never been this strong, this clear. If he turned his head just slightly, out of the corner of his eyes he could actually see the outline of her form, a wave of hair. She shifted as if she had raised a hand and turned away.

"Don't say things like that!"

He glanced back at the monitor, trying to ignore the clear pout in her tone. She had immediately begun to fade when he had looked at her, even out of the corner of his eye. That much he knew from previous experience as well. No matter what, if he focused on her, she faded away, eventually leaving him entirely.

"Well, anyway..." Her voice was distant, as if speaking from the bottom of a well, and he no longer felt her touch on his shoulder. Tension grew in the silence, as if there were nothing more to say. For some reason he always forgot himself when he was with her. If he was alone, he could compile lists of questions, things to ask her, or to talk about, but when she appeared, it all slipped away, and he was left tongue-tied. Even now he felt her growing more faint, and it reminded him of his coma after the most recent battle, and how bad it had felt to be pulled away from her.

"That time," he said quickly, hoping she was still listening, "after the last fight, you felt so real. It wasn't like when you usually come to me in my dreams. It was like..." He didn't quite know what to ask, and it felt weird to talk about it. Suddenly her presence was overpowering, and he caught a momentary whiff of lavender, as if she were wearing perfume and had leaned close.

"You dream about me?" she asked, her words dripping with innocence, and he blushed scarlet before he could try to stop himself.

"What?" he stammered, spinning around without thinking. "No, that...! it's..." The usual excuses and denials were on the tip of his tongue, for he was well trained, having lived with Misato and her teasing for months now. That was when he realized he was looking straight at her. In a moment of time that he couldn't measure, he took in her midnight black hair, her oval face, her deep purple eyes full of mischief. She was right there, chin in hand, as if her elbow were propped on the armrest of his chair, and she wasn't fading away. He held himself completely still, not even daring to breathe, trying to keep his eyes unfocused. That lasted for a handful of seconds, then the spell broke, and she was just a quickly fading outline.

He turned away, his face still bright red with embarrassment. His feelings were so strong at that moment, he couldn't tell if she were still there, or if that was just him wishing she was there. He sighed deeply in resignation, cursing his own thoughtlessness. She had to be gone, now.

"But Shi-inji-i, I want to hear more about this...!" her sing-song voice haunted him, and he jumped, his finger accidentally closing down the search function he had running. The screen went dark, and he felt completely alone. Without the help of the pictures and their stories, he couldn't seem to feel her at all. That too, he knew from experience.

"You know I dream about you," he sighed into the empty air. "You're the one that does that to me." Even if she was gone, he always felt more free after his conversations with her, like he had been uplifted.

"Do I?" the two words were coy, and his breathing stopped again. Now he did feel her, just barely, like a glow of candle-light in the distance, sometimes obscured by trees.

"Yeah," he whispered into the darkness, "you do."

"Well-" Her soft whisper was cut off by the whoosh of a door sliding open. He spun around, catching the last traces of a fading outline in the dark, before everything was washed out by light spilling in from the outside corridor.

"There you are! You know everyone's looking for you, right?" Asuka's familiar biting tone itched its way across his consciousness, erasing what he had felt and experience only moments ago. He grasped at it, but it was gone, like water evaporating in the hot sun. He wanted to snap at her, to drive her away so he could remember in peace, but there was now absolutely no going back to that state now, not after an interruption like this. She had kicked over his sand castle, and he had no way to repair it.

Asuka frowned, irritation marring her flawless features. "Hey, could you not look so disappointed to see someone who spent all this time finding you?"

During the long walk to wherever they were going, he wasn't able to get anything out of Asuka. Actually, after two attempts, he gave up to preserve his own skin, since she seemed to be getting more pissed off by the minute.

After interminable walking, she led him through a door into a darkened room. Dominating the front was a view-screen that was slowly cycling through a very embarrassing set of pictures.

"Good," Fuyutski grated out, from where he sat behind a desk on an elevated platform. "Now perhaps you can explain yourselves to all of us."

Immediately Asuka began to explain herself. No one interrupted her as she castigated Shinji, his parents, his lineage, and anyone connected to him. She eventually wound down, and there was silence. Fuyutski turned to Shinji.

"And you?"

Shinji shifted uncomfortably.

"Umm... sorry?" he mumbled hesitantly. Asuka slapped the back of his head. "-ouch," he glanced at her out of the corner of his eye, holding the back of his head. She glared back.

"This is pointless," Fuyutski muttered. "Send them away," he instructed. "The Captain will deal with them."

* * *

"Eeeeh?" Asuka's eyes were bugged out, but Misato didn't even flinch, her arms crossed, her expression firm. "What do you mean, we have to live together?" Beside her, Shinji was similarly dumbstruck.

"I can't live with her," he protested, "she's crazy!"

"It goes against all moral values!" Asuka continued.

"How can you go along with something like this?" they both demanded together. Misato merely smiled. Things appeared to be working out after all.

* * *

Three Days Later

"How did you escape?" Rei's expression was oddly inquisitive.

"Asuka got away first, and I heard Misato talking on the phone about giving her half a day's break before sending Section Two after her, so I didn't feel bad about trying to get away too." He glanced over. "It's no fair if she's the only one getting a break."

"I see."

The two walked in silence along the forest path. Besides the rustle of trees, it was a quiet hot muggy day. The high of three days ago was mostly gone by now, but there was nothing to be done about that. There were downsides to having a girlfriend you only saw once every few weeks, especially if you happened to flub one of the meetings.

He couldn't reasonably expect to see her again in the battle that would happen a few days from now, for this time the entire area would surely be evacuated. And really, when it was put that way, he didn't want to see her if more people had to die.

Of course, that was always what he said, immediately afterwards. Another week or two, and things would change. Loneliness would set in, the longing would get stronger, too strong to put down.

"How is your training?"

He blinked, looking over at her. The training. Oh.

"Well..." Touchy subject.

"You don't have to talk about it."

"No, it's okay," he said quickly. "I don't mind." He breathed out a sigh, looking at the moving tree tops. The limbs near the ground weren't moving at all, and yet it was all one tree. The limbs moving up top weren't snapping at the limbs down bottom for being out of sync. "It's tough," he finally said. "I just can't seem to match her. And she isn't willing to match me." A tingling on the back of his neck made him turn around, but there was nothing but moving trees and an empty path.

"Someone is following us," Rei said, without looking back.

"Section Two?"

"Besides them."

"Oh." Shinji looked back again, a futile gesture. "Well. Maybe it's just someone else out for a walk."

"Maybe."

The wind whispered more loudly now, like someone trying to surreptitiously get the attention of a lover across the room.

_It sounds like her._ The reminder both lightened and depressed him simultaneously. The memory of her whisper, which was usually the first thing he heard, and the last, when she left.

"Oh, by the way," he said, looking over suddenly, "why were you-" His eyes bugged out, and he looked away quickly, coughing, desperately trying to hide his surprise. He coughed until his eyes watered and his nose ran, and he pulled a kleenex from his pocket, and blew his nose. He jumped at a light touch on his back.

"Are you alright?"

Rei was standing there, hand on his back, her expression carrying subtle worry. And she had two shadows. He looked away again, trying not to think.

"Yeah," he finally breathed out, "just fine."

They resumed walking. He kept glancing over, but Rei's second shadow had disappeared.

"What is it?" Rei asked. He tried to look nonchalant.

"Huh?"

"You were about to ask me something. What is it?"

"Oh," he laughed once, with relief. "You were there, when I woke up in the hospital," he said, embarrassment making him hesitant. "Why were you there?"

A chill made him look behind him again, but there was still no one. Out of the corner of his eye he saw movement, and faced forward quickly again, bracing himself.

"You are my friend," Rei explained, oblivious to his distress. "My only friend. If those were your last moments, I wanted to spend them with you."

"Ah, hah..." He had no response to that, and in any case, her shadow was on the move again. He saw it out of the corner of his eye. It moved like a gust of wind blowing a poof of smoke. His hair stood on end.

_Trick of the light. That has to be it..._

The back of his shirt ruffled, and he refused to flinch. Something tickled his arm. He slapped at it, but when he looked, there was no smashed bug. Rei gave him a curious look. He smiled. His arm tickled again.

"_Shiniji-i, girls don't like to be igno-ored..."_

His heart sped up. She was there, somehow, though he didn't know how. Had something bad happened back in the city? He didn't want to think about it.

"It's really you, isn't it?" he murmured under his breath. "How are you here? Usually-"

"_What was that? I couldn't hear you, you'll have to speak up-"_

"I'm not going to speak up!" he hissed. Rei glanced at him, then turned her attention back to the path. "Stop it, you're going to make her think I'm crazy," he mumbled out of the corner of his mouth.

"_Stop what?"_ she asked demurely. Something brushed his arm, and even though he knew who it was now, he still jumped. It physically felt like someone had threaded their arm through his. Out of the corner of his eye the air was wavering. He jumped again when Rei touched his arm on the other side.

"Why are you acting nervous?" she asked.

"What? N-Nothing. It's nothing," he insisted. She narrowed her eyes momentarily, then seemed to accept his words, and they kept walking.

"_So-oo, where're we going?"_ the presence hanging on his left arm asked in her sing-song voice. The longer he looked at her, the more he could see. It was the opposite of the usual. A wave of hair moved as she glanced at him, then back to he road, as if looking down to its end. If there was an end, he no longer had any idea what it was.

"-umm, thanks."

Rei looked at him quizzically.

"For being there, I mean," he said quickly. "When I woke up."

Rei nodded thoughtfully.

"I have read in a booklet that a patient in a coma can be comforted by the mere presence of someone else."

"_Tickle..."_

"Ah, really?" Shinji ignored the scratching sensation below his left ribs.

"Yes. Here..." Rei pulled a small book from one of her pockets and handed it to him.

"_Tickle tickle tickle!"_

Shinji hunched over slightly as he flipped through the book, trying to ignore the tingling sensation that was growing stronger.

"I'm reading chapter three right now," Rei said helpfully.

"Ah." He flipped ahead a few pages.

"_You can ignore that, but can you ignore... this?"_

Shinji had already seen where her shadow-hand was moving, but was too slow dodging. He would have bumped into Rei had she not stepped back out of the way. He caught himself before he fell and tried to act nonchalant.

"Sorry, I stumbled," he said sheepishly. She stepped closer, putting a hand on his forehead.

"Your face is red," she observed. "Do you have a fever?"

"What? No, I'm fine-" He furtively looked around, trying to find the capricious shadow.

"You've been acting strangely all day," she said, pinning him down with an unblinking gaze. "Why?"

"Strange?" he stammered, "Not really, it's just-" Behind her. He watched fascinated as the shadow passed through Rei, until she was right in front of him.

"_Shinji, isn't this our fifth date? We haven't even kissed yet."_

He knew for sure that the touch of sadness in her whispered tone was carefully calculated. She was like that.

"_I'm beginning to think you don't care..."_

"That's not true," he said softly. It wasn't like he could put her off. There was no telling when they would next be able to meet. Besides that, he didn't want to put her off.

"You have been acting strange," Rei insisted. While she spoke, the shadow moved closer to Shinji. "I think we should go back, and you should rest."

He held his breath. She was close enough he could see her vivid purple eyes, the dark wave of her hair. Only inches away, and she was no longer translucent.

"Shinji, did you hear what I said-"

Shinji didn't hear because his heart was pounding in his ears. He could feel warmth on his lips, and then she pulled back. He moved forward unconsciously, and she stopped, letting him catch up. The feel of it was strange, a tingle, and then warmth, but it was stronger this time. The longer he held his lips to the ghostly apparition, the more real she felt. He hesitantly reached out, putting his arms around her. She was solid, and shivering in his embrace. She slowly lifted her arms to his shoulders and pushed him away, and that was when he opened his eyes and found Rei standing there, hand over her mouth, with a furious blush on her normally pale skin. She turned and fled.

"You..." Shinji looked around, quickly finding the offending shadow, who was at this time beside herself, giggling like a wind-chime. "You- You did that on purpose!" he pointed a finger accusingly, still trying to get his breathing back under control. In the distance the albino tripped and fell, scrambled back to her feet, and continued running.

In all the ruckus, he never even noticed a certain redhead walking up until she slapped him. Well, it was less of a slap and more of a roundhouse to the head.

"I saw it all, Shinji, so don't bother denying it!" she yelled down at him, as he blinked away stars. "You and your blue-haired slut can go do whatever the hell you want, it's not like I care!"

She stomped off, trailing German curses behind her. Behind him, he saw the cause of all his troubles collapsed into a heap on the ground, laughing so hard it sounded like she was going to hurt herself. He laid his head back on the ground with a sigh.

_Having Death as a girlfriend isn't quite what I thought it would be._


	3. Chapter 3

It was a testament to Asuka's training that her body moved even though the rest of her was hunkered down around a cold pit of fury. She stirred the pot carefully, testing the mix of emotions, the blend of anger embarrassment and shame that had been simmering since the countless hours since she had seen Shinji's courage.

Beside her, the object of her jealousy was dancing, and a little further over, Misato was smiling grimly. They were doing it, the two of them, and they were together. Somehow. It wasn't like she was making a special effort to lower herself to his standards. Not that he needed lowering to, any more.

The music crescendoed, ended, and she ended the final move with a complicated flourish she knew he couldn't match.

He didn't.

Not that it mattered, since she had added the adlib after the end of the dance track.

Misato was clapping and congratulating them, but Asuka wasn't listening. She was busy trying to figure out how the hell she was so in sync with the kind of person she knew him to be.

_Shy. Quiet._

_Weak. Cowardly._

The first two were true enough, but she had been forced to erase the last two from her shrinking list of Reasons I Hate Shinji Ikari. A weak coward didn't walk up and try to make out with another person out of the blue.

She glanced over and immediately regretted it. But then she had expected to regret it. He was taking off his ear-pieces and talking with Misato. She left hers in, even though the only thing playing was the wait-music while the game sat patiently until it was told to start another game. As long as she had the ear-pieces in, she was still in the game world, and she didn't have to face the real one. The real world, where she and Shinji were now a perfect match.

For the Angel, that is.

_How am I a perfect match with him?_

The answer was right there, written all over him. He was chasing someone, trying to make that person look at him, and that person was running from him. She knew that feeling very well.

It was sickening how alike they were, now that she was forced to see the similarities. She could still see it in his posture, the way he held himself, as if they were still dancing. The connection was lasting longer after each practice session now, and it was at the same time nauseating and glorious. She saw what made Shinji the way he was, and what sent a chill through her center was the idea that maybe she was as transparent to him as he now was to her. With a sigh she pulled the ear-buds from her ears in time to hear Misato winding down.

"-alright you two, you've earned yourself a break, just don't go do anything I wouldn't do!" And so saying, the woman bounced to her room to catch a few hours before her next shift.

_It's going to take a lot of shopping to get through this._

* * *

It did. Three hours and forty nine minutes of shopping, to be precise. Obviously all of that time wasn't spent buying stuff.

And so, when she finally dragged herself out of the last store, her wandering steps took her to the entrance of the armored bunker that sat atop the main linear rail line down into the Geofront.

_Why am I doing this? Don't tell me it's still following me._

Shinji's ghost had haunted her for over an hour into her shopping experience. Apparently apparitions get just as bored as the real thing though, because she eventually lost him in the food court. Too bad a ghost couldn't help carry the things she had bought.

It was too early for her pre-battle ritual. In any case, she wasn't going in the right direction to get to the Eva cages. She would have had to turn right after heading out of the exit of the rail station to get there. She had turned left.

Many turns later, she found her destination.

_Not here again._

It was where she had found him right before that disaster of a briefing where they had been assigned to live together. Not that living together was even a slight problem, but the timing was waaaaay off. The one who seemed to have a problem was Shinji.

_Oh well. Not like he'll be here again, at this specific time. That was probably just coincidence-_

Flickering light spilled out of the partially open door. Light from a monitor. She wasn't even trying to be stealthy, but it didn't matter. He was glued to the screen, shut off from the outer world. The worry, the fading hope, he was still easy read, sickeningly easy. She looked down at her hand, held out before her, cursing the slight uncontrollable tremor.

_I hope this crap wears off, when this is all over._

It was one thing to make use of the connection to try to make him look at her, but nothing was worth this cloying, smothering, sticky... something, that she felt whenever she was within a block of him.

Images flashed across the screen, people she didn't know, people she was sure he didn't know either.

_Then why is he looking at them?_

Intrigue pulled her closer. He was still dead to the world. The images were going by too fast for her to read the small print that filled half the screen to the side of each picture.

_If I can't read it, there's no way he can read it. What's the deal here?_

It was only blind chance that she happened to recognize one of the pictures, and that only because the face had been spread all over the news the past few days. Apparently the heir to the Takahashi estate had been killed in middle of the most recent battle. Not from the fighting itself, but from a freak accident inside one of the shelters.

_All these people are dead,_ she realized, as the images continued to flash. _He's made a graphical obituary._

She looked at the flashing monitor, watched the watcher of the images, and let out a quick breath that might have indicated disgust, or perhaps understanding.

"I was wrong. You and I are nothing alike."

He looked up at her in surprise.

"What?"

She walked calmly out, sliding the door shut behind her.

Shinji sat back, breathing out a similar sigh, though this one was most definitely disgust, and not an ounce of understanding.

_Nothing works._

But then he hadn't expected it to, not really. The incident two days ago was the first time Death had ever appeared to him twice in a row, with no intervening catastrophe, and he had no explanation. On a whim, he had tried everything he knew of to reach her again, everything that had worked before. It had all turned out to be useless.

_Was it just a fluke?_

It couldn't have been. Well, it could have been, but it just didn't feel right. That incident had been the first time she had appeared to him in an open setting, and while he was with someone else on top of that.

It had been an awkward couple of days. He and Rei had taken to sitting on opposite sides of the room. Or more accurately, she had stayed precisely where she usually sat, on one side of the room, and he had been the one to move to the other side. Besides the classroom and the Eva cages, he did not see even so much as a flash of blue hair to indicate her presence or her flight from the area.

Nervous energy finally propelled him from the chair. That and the need to eat something, as he had lost track of time. It was in such a state that he found himself turning a corner and walking down one of the long hallways towards the linear rail and up to freedom when he caught a flash of blue in the distance. They were both walking down the same hallway, in opposite directions.

He didn't figure Rei for a runner, and he wasn't going to turn around and go the other way. The distance closed, and her gaze never wavered. In fact, she gave no indication she even knew there was another human being in the general vicinity. He kept his gaze straight forward, refusing to be caught glancing. The closer they got, the more her impenetrable wall of ice began to show cracks.

They were close enough to see each others' expression by now, and faking it was no longer an option. Oddly enough, he felt detached. He saw that she was not quite so lucky. Though her eyes were blank, a touch of color had come to her face, as if the pilot light of a stove had just been lit and was flickering slowly.

A dozen yards separated them, and her cheeks began to take on a tone of pink normally relegated to the Rosaceae in full bloom. Both of them kept their gaze locked straight ahead, but the closer they got, the redder her face became. He was tempted to go 'boo!' just to see what would happen. As it turned out, something beat him to the chance. Or in this case, someone.

She was drifting along beside Rei. He hadn't noticed because she was see-through at a distance. She blew him a kiss. The ghost, not Rei. It took his brain a few seconds to process what he was seeing. During that time he turned suddenly, mouth agape. Rei jumped to the side letting out a short squeaking noise she undoubtedly regretted making, for she covered her mouth and backed up a few paces.

She turned quickly, obviously not wanting to give him a chance to say or do anything, and stumbled into a wall in her haste. Gathering herself, she hurriedly walked away, looking back a few times to make sure he wasn't following. He was too busy being glued to the spot.

While he was standing there, stunned, Rei turned the corner in the distance, and her ghost followed, gliding out of sight. He came to his senses and jogged after them, taking care to be quiet. He knew from experience that Rei's senses were fanatically sharp, so there was no point trying to completely mask his presence. On the other hand, she had seemed a bit out of it, so maybe she wasn't on top of her game.

His mind hummed back to the most important fact.

_Death was with her._

_This is the second time I've seen Death and Rei together. Why?_

He had no choice but to follow.

After another ten minutes, the path Rei took terminated into a sliding set of double-doors, which she palmed open. She stepped through, and the doors shut behind her. It might have been his eyes playing tricks, but he still saw the waver in the air beside her that meant Death was also there. In any case, the closed doors prevented further research.

The ominous doors, up close. It wasn't a palm-reader, he noted when he was right in front of the doors. It was a key-pad that gave access through this particular set of doors. He looked helplessly at the set of nine digits preventing his further travels. Then again, a palm reader might not have been any better, for his movements would have been logged.

He stood, stymied. He didn't want to be here when she left, that would just be awkward. Or maybe there was another way out of the room, and so she wouldn't have to pass through this door again anyway. As he wavered, an improbable event occurred.

The air over the key-pad wavered. An ethereal wave of hair outlined a familiar face. A ghostly hand slid out of the wall, moved to her lips, miming a single gesture for silence. Then the hand moved to the key-pad, to the very center. Five. Then it moved to one, then to four. It moved to six numbers in sequence as he watched, dumbfounded. Then she gave him a tight grin and slipped back into the wall.

Like an idiot, he sat there, waiting for the door to open. After five seconds he nearly slapped himself.

_She was just showing me the combination. Obviously she can't open the door._

_Probably._

He punched in the combination, and the doors slid silently aside. Somehow he was afraid to go in, though he couldn't put a name to his fear. The outline of a hand reached out, and he felt a tingle of warmth run down his arm as she slipped her hand into his. The wave of her hair moved, as she gestured with her head for him to enter. He allowed himself to be led through the doorway. One way or another, he knew he was about to get the answers he had been looking for. Now he wasn't sure he wanted them.

The small hallway was dark and close, and even though he knew for a fact that the environmental controls kept a tight lid on any temperature or pressure changes, the air felt muggy. Even if he couldn't see her any more, he could feel her presence, and the warmth and tingle of her hand in his. He felt her come to a halt, and he stopped as well, and for a moment he didn't know what he was looking at.

The lighting for the room was at a very low ambiance, probably on standby, so it took a few seconds of disorientation to realize that the room was circular, instead of the usual square or rectangular design prevalent through most of the other NERV installations in Tokyo-3.

A strip of light running the circumference of the ceiling gave off a dim yellow glow, and the walls seemed to shimmer. Then something in one part of the wall moved, sending a shiver crawling down his spine. He was especially aware of the presence at his side, and drew some comfort from the fact that she was there.

_She brought me here. She wouldn't bring me into danger._

Something in the wall moved again, and he tried not to look. Was it another ghost? A real ghost? He was surrounded by movement. He took a hesitant step back, and for the first time noticed that he wasn't alone. He had completely forgotten that Rei had also entered this room minutes before he had, and he had not taken any time since he entered to check, but he checked now. There were no other exits.

Her pale form had been hidden by a glass tube that ran from the floor to the ceiling just overhead. The slight movement to the side to see Rei was all it took for the dim illumination to cast a few sullen rays into the wall, which he saw now was actually made out of glass. Surrounding him was a circular tank filled with naked bodies drifting lazily, and they all looked the same.

He slumped to his knees, slowly looking from his left to his right, trying to understand what he was seeing. He didn't notice when Rei turned quickly, and saw him. She made what sounded like a soft sigh, and he turned to look at her as a young child might, a gaze of wide-eyed innocence.

A trickle of moisture slid down her face. She reached up, wiped it off, and stared at her own tears glistening on her hand, as if she didn't know what she was looking at. More slipped down her cheek, joining the wetness already on her hand. She looked back up at Shinji for a moment, then turned and ran blindly from the room.

"_It's okay."_

He felt an arm on his back, saw the air waver as the presence knelt beside him. He opened his mouth, but no words came out.

"_-ssh, it's okay. Just listen. We don't have much time. Unless you're going to get up and follow her, we don't have much time."_

She looked at him straight on, as if to make sure he understood. He blinked once, and stared back.

"_You won't understand right now, but I'll say it anyway, because this is the only chance you'll have."_ The outline turned its head, looking back towards the door. _"That girl has died twice now, and twice you have seen me, with her nearby."_

He shuddered, as if someone had physically hit him. He felt Death's presence begin to fade.

"_If you want to see me again, she'll have to die again."_


	4. Chapter 4

The final movement of the song was like a blessing, a reprieve. She knew it inside and out, could reproduce each note perfectly in her mind, and each tone counted down to the end, which finally came and went. She pulled off the head-phones, letting them drop to the ground as she tried to catch her breath. She was exhausted, but she knew Shinji was beyond exhausted. But they had somehow stayed together. She knew that, even without confirmation from Misato.

"Alright." The woman nodded slowly. "It's barely withing the tolerances, but you stayed together, and you made it." She gave a short laugh. "That was amazing. You even messed up together..."

Asuka glanced back at the two score monitors. Both of them read ninety two point three. She glanced at him out of the corner of her eyes, and could feel his attention on her even though he wasn't looking at her either.

_This is bad._

She turned, resting a hand on her chest.

_My heart's still racing. I know its not from the exercise either..._

Despite her fatigue, she reached up and caught the towel that Misato threw her. Shinji fumbled, but caught his as well.

"You two get some rest," the woman instructed. "We shouldn't push too hard, not this close to the battle. I won't be here tonight, but make sure you get some good sleep." With that, she left the room, her calm outer demeanor hiding whatever inner worries she might have been feeling.

Asuka pushed her face into the towel, desperately wishing what she was feeling would go away. Finally she threw the towel to the ground. Shinji was only a few feet away, but she was too tired to be startled at his silent movement.

"I'm ready," he said, staring at her with an unblinking gaze, "and I know you're ready. That thing out there is as good as dead."

She returned his gaze, plumbing the steel-gray depths, trying to fathom the person she knew so well, and at the same time didn't know at all.

_I know he feels something. He's got to feel something by now. We wouldn't be in sync if our thoughts were that different-_

They were close enough that a stray movement allowed their hands to touch. At first she thought he had reached out to take her hand, but when their hands joined, she saw by his surprise that it had been accidental, not on purpose. She saw the surprise, the internal struggle that she had touched off. He wasn't going to push her away, even if what he felt wasn't the same as what she felt.

_How are we still in sync? Even now?_

It didn't matter how. They were, and that was that. But that wasn't good enough for her. The only thing that was keeping them in sync was that he felt the same way, at least about something. What that something was, she had no idea.

_I feel dirty._

She slipped her hand out of his and turned to go.

_A shower. That's what I need._

Several minutes later, she returned from her room with a folded towel in her hands. Glancing over, she saw Shinji leaving his room, halfway to the door of the apartment.

_He's taking a shower._

But he hadn't gone straight into the bathroom, even though he could have, since he had been faster getting his stuff together.

_Because he knew I wanted a shower too._

She didn't bother suppressing the blush. Maybe that was why it didn't show as much.

"Where're you going?"

"To the Geofront," was his answer. Then again, that was the only other place with a shower, unless he went to a friend's house. Neither of them had laid a foot in school since their training had begun, and she knew he didn't want to answer any awkward questions.

"Whatever." She turned and walked towards the bathroom. His soft footsteps made for the door. They stopped, and she stopped.

"Have a good shower," he said.

"Yeah," she answered. "You too."

He left. She walked into the bathroom, closed the door, dropped her stuff on the floor, and banged her head on the shower door.

"Gyaah! What the hell was that all about?" The clatter of the door rattling in its hinges drowned out her words. "-and what was that 'you too' crap?" She banged her head again.

"Asuka, you okay in there?" Misato's voice was muffled, coming through her closed door and the closed bathroom door as well.

"Oh yeah, just dandy," she snarled.

"Is Shinji in there with you?" The woman's tone turned playful.

"Nein!" Asuka yelled. "No! Hell no!"

* * *

A sudden alarm made everyone in Central Dogma sit up a little straighter.

"There it is," Lieutenant Aoba called out, glancing back at Ritsuko, "just when you predicted! It's on the move..."

The woman nodded, her expression grim. Beside her, Misato put a hand behind her back, crossing her fingers.

"Alright," she said, her confident voice betraying none of her inner concern, "let's move out!"

"Roger!" the two Children responded. Seconds later, twin spark trails shot up into the launch tunnels, and the Evas were on their way.

The opening was flawless, but despite herself, Asuka couldn't help but feel uneasy. Every time they had clashed over the past week, she had feared that it would it would harm their synchronization, but each time, she and Shinji were somehow still together.

_I'm not the only one that's uneasy._

She could feel it in his movements, and how he tentatively matched her. Something was on his mind too, and it was the only thing keeping them together. It had taken her a while to figure it out, but they were living two separate yet synchronized lives. She refused to believe anything else. Otherwise, he would already have been firmly ensconced at her side, her prize, the only one worthy of being Asuka Langley Soryu's Girlfriend.

_I'm the only one who can match him! Why can't he see that?_

And matched they were, all the way through to the third and final movement. That was when the problems started.

"-Asuka, you guys are falling behind the music! You need to pick up the pace..."

"I know, I know," she snapped, "what do you want from me? Staying together is more important that breaking up, if only one of us is following the music!"

"It's dangerous!" Misato insisted. "Do you think you two can do this improv?"

"It doesn't matter," Ritsuko murmured, pointing at a falling graph-line, "they're already too far gone."

"Oh no..." Misato whispered. "Asuka, do something!"

"Alright!" Asuka replied. For some reason she was tired, both physically and mentally. It was too much work to both fight a battle with Shinji and with the Angel at the same time. "Alright." She opened a comm box to her fellow dancer. "Shinji," she said simply, "do what you have to do. I'll follow your lead."

He looked stunned for a moment, and she wondered if she had made a mistake. Then his expression became firm, all traces of indecision gone, obliterated by her sudden trust.

"Let's do it," he said, and then he jumped straight up into the air. She was with him, and they fired their retro-rockets as one, abruptly changing directions and arrowing straight for the two Angels. It was amazing. It still felt like they were dancing, still following a script. A corner of her consciousness noted that where they had been standing was a cauldron of molten armor courtesy of a purple cross of energy blooming into the sky.

The two Angels vacated the premises in different directions, and the two Evas gave chase, pushing off from each other to impart momentum. Misato had seen them dance countless times before, and knew something about their habits and patterns. She pushed Lieutenant Aoba out of his chair and took personal control of the city's defenses. Between the three of them, it took forty two seconds to drive the Angels into an untenable position. The Evas had seven seconds left on their batteries when their prog-knives struck as one, ending the fight.

Through the ringing silence, Asuka was aware of her breathing, her heartbeat, both elevated from the adrenaline of battle, and the link she knew would surely fade. After this there would be no more excuse to work so closely with him.

But it wasn't fading. Or to be more precise, it wasn't fading as fast as it usually did after a practice session.

"Why doesn't it feel like it's over?" she asked, unconsciously bringing up his comm box.

"I don't know," he answered. His speech, his posture, everything gave him away.

"You're lying," she said, as if just realizing it.

"What?"

"Nothing," she murmured. The entire battle, the thing that had kept them together was whatever it was he was worrying about. They were thinking about different things, but the shared worry had molded them together.

_What are you hiding?_

* * *

After that, things calmed down, at least on the surface. At home, Misato was cheerful as always, even if she was hiding an undercurrent of worry at how the two pilots' closeness might affect further operations. She needn't have worried, as far as he could see. At school, Asuka ignored him. More importantly, Rei seemed to act as if nothing of the past weeks had happened at all.

Sure, it was a relief to be able to walk by her without the possibility of her face bursting into flame, but with the advent of temporary peace, Death's words burned their way into his mind more deeply with the passing days.

"_If you want to see me again, she'll have to die again."_

He was staring at her back now, where she stood, at the edge of the railing on the third story roof of the main school building. Just a push, and it would all be over. He closed his eyes, driving the idea from his mind.

_Was she actually telling me to kill her? To kill Rei?_

The thought was like ash in his mind. It made him dizzy to even contemplate it.

"What would you sacrifice?"

Rei's calm voice almost gave him a heart attack. His mind flew in a thousand directions, trying to find a sane answer to her vague question.

"If you were offered a chance for your life to have meaning," she asked again, "what would you sacrifice in exchange for it?"

The question cut him to the heart, for it seemed to address the terrible option before him.

"I'm..." he tried to find his voice, "I'm not sure," he finally got out.

"Neither am I."

The conversation was making him light-headed. He had no idea what exactly she was talking about. Was she talking about him, or herself?

"What do you mean, 'sacrifice'?" he asked hesitantly. "Are you-"

"Whatever you want to do, do it," she said flatly. "Or leave."

"Wh-what?" He stepped forward. She did not speak again. "Is... is something wrong?" He was closer now. Only a few feet away. The part that wanted to comfort her, and the part that wanted something entirely different, both were screaming incoherently at him. She seemed so weak, so fragile. He knew that to be deceptive, after seeing her in action.

At her side, slightly behind, he stopped. Her gaze was blank. He hesitantly put his hands on her shoulders, then paused, almost torn apart. Her gaze was distant, unfocused. He tried to follow it, to see what she was looking at. Like their conversation, it was too vague for him to fathom.

From a distance, they would have looked like brother and sister, standing close, looking into the sunset.

Then a small movement, a body tumbling through the air towards the ground below. No sound, no scream.


	5. Chapter 5

A/N: I've been making it a point not to clutter the story with author's notes, but I might as well put this out, especially since the person asking question isn't registered, so I can't respond personally ^_^

to d-scribe:

You know, I agree. The past few stories, I've found that all my passion and feeling goes into the first chapter, and the the chapters after that are blah, at least until I build up another head of steam. Anyway.

Sync training. I don't buy that it's just choreograph. I don't think anything AT-ish or mystic is taking place, but I don't think you can live together like that and feel nothing. I especially don't think you can match someone without either: 1. being so alike that it doesn't matter (Rei), 2. or beginning to truly understand that person, and how he thinks and feels (at least to a point).

I don't see anything wrong with her beginning to form a rapport with him. Especially with how he's different this time. Shinji is more in control of himself, more grounded, because he's got a secret friend not one else knows about. He's not so dependent on others' affection, since he's already got someone who gives that to him. I'm sure Asuka would notice this.

As for your second point, Death meant it was the second time he had seen her and Rei together, that's all. Actually, on this point, you have me on an honest mistake. You're right that at this point in the series, she's only died once. My fault for overlooking that. Since what's said has already been said, I would simply take the way out you suggested, and say that she died twice in this universe, as opposed to once in the canon-verse. Doesn't change anything, really, but it was a rookie mistake on my part.

I'm glad you liked the last scene, and noticed quite astutely that Rei seemed out of character in that scene. It's almost like she wanted to die, huh? ^_^

Indeed, between the last time he saw her, and then, something happened to her, but I ain't tellin' what, yet. Even saying that much gives a whole lot away, I think. Suffice it to say, I'm glad someone noticed.

Now, on with the show...

-Squire

* * *

Implantation

* * *

"Where was she found?" A male voice. Cold, hard, unyielding. But also brittle, on the edge of breaking.

"On the pavement, on the west side of the main school building." A female voice, clinical, completely professional.

"Was she seen?"

"We think only by the teacher that reported her dead. He didn't dawdle around, so the area was secured quickly."

A pause.

"Begin the recovery process immediately, of course."

Another pause, this one uncomfortable.

"I can't."

"Doctor, anyone can be replaced, even you-"

"When I say I can't, I mean I physically can't. It's not there, Gendo. I've run every test I know, the trace isn't there."

"Don't call me by my name, even here."

"Sorry."

Sounds of a sheaf of papers being dropped back onto a desk.

"How can her trace not be there?"

"I don't know. I literally don't know. No one else has the retrieval technology we have. And even if they did, no one else could have separated it without leaving behind evidence I would have seen-"

"When we began this project, you told me her link to Lilith couldn't be broken."

"It couldn't be. -can't be! This shouldn't be possible, it's-"

"Enough." A sigh. A squeak of a chair being moved. "Prepare the one we already knew to be the nearest compatible replacement from the Marduk Report.

Stunned silence.

"You're not serious."

"I am."

"You can't! If you do that, it will tear a hole in Class 2-A that can't be repaired-"

"Section Two already has her en-route. Prepare for surgery."

A harsh laugh.

"If I operate on her, she's as good as dead."

"Then you won't operate."

"Wrong. I'm the best you've got." Silence. "Please. Listen to me. There are reasons we went the full-body-clone route. This is dangerous-"

"It's our only option at this point."

Silence.

"Yes sir."

* * *

Shadows. Darkness. Comfortable, familiar darkness. A familiar urge pulled him out of bed. There wasn't any need to turn on the light. Light was his enemy now. It reminded him.

Relief. He pushed a lever, and water drained away. He imagined his feelings draining away with the water. It helped, for a minute.

Back to bed, to sleep, to peaceful oblivion.

A nameless time later, a thump and soft rustle drew him back to a stupor. He sat up, looking out his half-open door at a moving light. The light shone his direction, briefly blinding him.

"Go back to bed, Shinji." Misato's command voice, quiet and tense. "I've been called in, that's all."

Called in. He lay back down, obediently closing his eyes.

He awoke six separate times in the remaining two hours before the usual red-haired alarm-clock woke him up. He couldn't see clearly yet, but his feet knew where they were going.

"You'd better not be heading for the bathroom, doofus. That's right, keep walking. Make our lunches, I'll be out in a minute, 'kay?"

His course diverted automatically as her words rolled off him, his hands moving on autopilot, taking ingredients from the refrigerator, preparing them, wrapping them. Her words were nothing. If anything, they were a welcome distraction.

Never mind. Keep working, keep walking. Keep building the wall around what happened. Soon it won't be visible any more. So many things keep tearing down the wall, though. Any little thing might serve as a reminder.

It doesn't matter. It just makes the next wall a little better, a little less likely to fail. It's a constant process, one that consumes all available brainpower. That's good too.

"Hey, you know I don't like tomatoes in mine." She swished by him, glancing over his shoulder as she passed. The offending vegetables were expertly removed in seconds. Or were they a fruit? Another question for the ages.

"Done." He put the lid on the box containing her lunch, and pushed it over to her.

"You're awfully compliant this morning." She gave him a suspicious glance. The corner of his mouth ticked into a smile for a moment.

"Then," he said, reaching for her box, "what you really want is for me to change that for, say, Chinese or something."

"Do it and I swear I'll kill you," she muttered, snatching the box and putting it into her book bag. He froze. "You know I hate Chinese." She frowned at him. "What?" He blinked once. "I was joking! Why do I even have to say that? What's wrong with you?"

Dead silence.

"Whatever. Let's go."

He obediently followed.

That bolt of fear had broken away part of the carefully-built wall, and he saw, for a moment. Remembered.

_She hadn't resisted. When he pushed, she had simply moved. He had expected her to look back, or to yell out, or to fight, anything. It didn't happen. She just went over the edge. She fell through the air, slowly turning. He dreaded seeing her face, didn't want to know what he might find on it. Hurt? Pain at such a betrayal of friendship? Hatred? She turned, twisted slowly in the air, seeming to fall in slow motion. Then she was facing him, and what he saw was burned into his brain. She raised her hand as if waving at him, then hit the asphalt.  
_

The vision was obscured as rebuilding of the walls continued.

* * *

A dark room, lit only by a flickering monitor. An office. Stale cigarette butts overflowing from a small ashtray.

"I don't get it. I just don't get it. No one has any motive here. No one!" Ash blond hair moved slightly, as the occupant of the room's only chair leaned back, running a hand down her face.

"What do the MAGI say?" Misato's energetic voice is obviously caffeine-laced, near the edge of a coming crash.

"Don't ask." A single grim laugh. "Thirteen percent possibility that some outside organization had her killed."

"Really? That high?"

"Seven percent possibility that she just jumped. On her own." Ritsuko snorted. "There's even a four percent that someone in the school killed her."

"You don't mean another classmate, do you? That's unthinkable!" Silence, as both women thought. This obviously couldn't go on much longer, since the nearest coffee machine was two levels down, and the pot on the desk was running near empty. Misato tentatively reached out.

"It's my office, don't steal the last cup," Ritsuko reproached, though her tone was playful. "Just kidding," she said, when her friend's hand faltered. "You look like you need it. Or something."

"I need sleep," Misato sighed. "But I won't be getting it. Not any time soon." She glanced back towards the office door longingly, mentally counting the steps towards a pot that didn't hold stale tepid coffee. "Not unless I can string up Rei's killer and dump him in the Commander's office."

"'Him?'" Ritsuko quirked her mouth into a smile. "Don't go jumping to conclusions."

"Haha..." The woman's laugh was a ghost of what it usually was.

"Well, you're on your own. I have something to take care of."

Ritsuko left, and Misato only spared a casual glance of farewell over her shoulder. Had she been on top of her game, she would have wondered what her friend was hiding from her this time.

Outside the office, down the hall, Ritsuko's shoes clicked loudly against the hard floors. There would be no quiet assassins here, unless they wore the highest-of-tech slippers that were quiet, yet still gripped the polished floors. Still, the idea that someone had been able to infiltrate what amounted to the heart of the castle and had killed a person instrumental in humanity's defense brought chills to her spine. It was beyond her to speculate who would do such a thing to a mere child, or why they would do it at all.

She gave a short bark of laughter, and had to struggle to keep from doubling over.

_Damn, I'm actually feeling a little hysterical. Maybe I need to take some of my own advice and get some rest._

Rest, however, was for the innocent.

_I'm just as guilty as Rei's killer,_ she thought, her footsteps hesitant as she slowed to a stop before a hardened blast door. Whether it was designed to protect what was within, or keep something inside from getting out, it would have looked, to the average observer, strong enough for the job. Unfortunately, the average observer had no way of knowing what monsters humanity faced, or what monsters humanity was willing to bring into existence in order to survive.

Ritsuko laid a palm on the reader beside the entryway, and a series of deep clicks and rumbling ensued, and the door slid ponderously aside.

The inside room was immaculate. She could still smell a faint antiseptic tang, and the floors and walls gleamed. There wasn't a pool of blood surrounding the operating table that dominated the center of the stark white room. There weren't broken and twisted body parts strewn everywhere, blood smearing the walls. More importantly, the physical restraints holding down a small innocuous looking teenage girl were not torn to ribbons, barely hanging by threads and metal slivers.

Everything was calm again.

_But not for long._ Ritsuko shuddered. The only way she herself had escaped injury was because she hadn't been in the room. She had been operating remotely, using robotic limbs. Unfortunately, some things just couldn't replace a human hand. _And we're only half-done._ The core still remained, and it could well prove even more volatile. Especially when it found out just what had been done to its daughter, and what further violations would have to be done before there could be a proper synchronization.

The doctor observed her patient.

_I'm surprised she's still alive. I'm surprised any of us are still alive._

She slowly walked over to the young child, who was sleeping peacefully. Her chest rose and fell slowly, softly, deceptively. After a moment, her breathing changed, and she opened her eyes. Ritsuko struggled to maintain her clinical neutrality, as she bent down and shone a pen-light first into one eye, then into the other.

The eyes were what did it. The bitter eyes of an angry trapped god, covered over by the innocence of a terrified young girl who didn't know what was happening to her or where she was.

* * *

The usual life of class 2-A seemed to be sapped somehow. An outgoing person might not have been able to sense it, but Shinji did. He prided himself on such perceptions, even if it was painful to actually join in. An outgoing person was too brash to notice, too full of herself. Asuka probably had no idea anything was the matter. Said girl's distant voice drew his attention.

"Hey, where's Hikari?"

"I don't know," another girl answered. "She wasn't here when I got here."

Shinji glanced around.

_Hikari's absent. She's never absent. She can't be absent, she's the-_

"A-All rise!" Only one girl spent more time with Hikari than Asuka, and that would be Mei Takahari. She was basically the class's second in command, though there was no such official position. Students murmured loudly, but nobody went against her. Shinji glanced towards the doorway. It was open, and the old teacher stood, his shoulders bowed more deeply than usual. The students' murmuring fell away to a hushed silence.

"Bow!" Mei was no longer tentative. The class bowed in respect.

"Be seated," the old man said, waving a hand tiredly. "The class president won't be attending today, I'm afraid. Let's get started. Oh," he glanced back towards the doorway, "I almost forgot." Standing there was a girl of average height with black hair. While such a description would have fit many of 2-A, this girl's hair was to her waistline. "This is Morana Sigrun," the professor said, as the girl slowly stepped into the classroom and scanned the room. "She's a transfer student form America. Treat her well."

A niggling feeling pushed its way through the back of Shinji's mind.

_That's... no. Can't be._

The girl's eyes were scanning the class, and passed over him without a second glance.

_No, it can't be. She would recognize me._

There was no way his one-time girlfriend would give him the cold shoulder like that.

_Where are you? _He set his chin in hand, elbow on desk, letting his mind wander. There was no telling when he would see Death again. Would it be the next battle? What if he got better, and more Evas came online. If there weren't as many casualties, would she stop appearing to him? _I did what you asked. Now what?_

"Hi."

Startled, he looked up to long hair flowing over slim shoulders, and a kind smile. Her Japanese was crisp, even if she had an odd accent.

"I'm Morana," she said, holding out her hand.

"I know," he said, taking the proferred hand. Then he mentally slapped himself. Obviously he would know her name, the teacher had just said it. That wasn't what she had meant with the introduction. "I'm Shinji Ikari," he finally got out. He tried to avoid looking at her eyes. If they were purple, he would have to start questioning some things.

"Nice to meet you," she said, slipping her hand from his. Her grip had been firm, not delicate like he might have expected. He could hear Asuka tearing a trail in his direction, and braced himself.

"What's going on here?" she demanded. "Shinji, you better not be giving her a bad impression-"

"I just wanted to introduce myself to the person I'll be sitting next to," Morana said demurely.

"What? You can't sit there! I mean," she composed herself, putting on a sweet smile and threaded her arm through the other girl's, "wouldn't you like to sit by me over here? I'll show you around school later."

"Well, okay," Morana agreed, allowing herself to be pulled away. She didn't look back.

"I wonder why she thought this was her seat," Shinji mumbled to himself.

"Whose seat?" Touji flopped down into the aforementioned seat, and Kensuke sat down behind him.

"Nothing," Shinji murmured, nodding over towards where Asuka was chatting Morana up, both girls going a mile-a-minute. "New transfer student, that's all." By the time he had glanced back, Kensuke's camera was already raised.

"Woah, how'd I miss that?" he asked, centering the girl in his view-finder and hitting Record. "Just hold still, baby, now I've got you, so-" The view-finder was suddenly filled with half of Touji's face.

"Hey, didn't you have something to show Shinji?"

Kensuke fumbled, almost dropping the camera. He glared at Touji, finally sighing.

"Look here," he said, motioning Shinji over as he opened the side screen, to view something that had obviously been previously recorded. He hit a button on the side of the camera, and a scene began to play out. It was a nameless street somewhere in one of Tokyo-3's suburbs.

It was Hikari, Shinji realized. She was walking down the sidewalk in the distance.

"You know, technically that counts as spying. She'll hang you by your toenails if she ever finds this video."

"Is that a threat?" Kensuke asked with a half-smile.

"I'm just sayin'," Touji said. "Keep watching," he instructed Shinji, pointing at the screen. In the distance, a square smudge soon became apparent as a car. It pulled up to the sidewalk beside Hikari, and stopped. Two gentlement got out. The girl turned, walked over, obviously asking something, though there was no audio from this far away. The two men bundled her into the car, which then left.

"That was a kidnapping, I'd say," Touji commented.

"But it looked like a government car," Kensuke interjected.

"It was Section Two," Shinji said flatly.

"Really?" Kensuke asked excitedly. "Well, I guess you would know 'em on sight, they're always following you and-"

Shinji listened with half an ear as his two friends continued to argue about possible motives, and how long their new-found freedom from tyranny would last. Out of the many questions worth pondering lately, this one stood out.

_What would Section Two want with Hikari?_


	6. Chapter 6

The life of a class president never ended, even now, during recovery. Especially now.

_Ouch._

She blinked at the bright light coming through her window, lifting a leaden arm up to her head.

_I don't think I've ever missed an entire day of school like this._

Had it been just a day? She jumped, and almost jerked away at a sudden touch on her face. Her hand didn't feel like her own, as if it were asleep and tingling with pins and needles.

All grogginess banished by the surprise, she sat up and ran her hands over each other. They felt normal. She touched her face. Nothing out of the ordinary. Her body longed to lie back down and sleep for another day, but her mind shied away from this idea. She could find no rational answer for this, but there it was. It was as if something deep and dark was waiting for her, if she were to go back to sleep. Something that would swallow her whole with no moral compunction whatsoever.

_Probably just a bad dream, or something._ She brought a hand to her eyes, gently rubbing them, keeping a careful distance from her hair. She didn't even want to know what it looked like after this long. She didn't have to see to know. It felt like a swarm of snakes had underwent a two-day-long orgy on top of her head, and then had fallen asleep, all tangled together.

"Hikari... you feeling better?" Nozomi peeked her head through the cracked door, her voice at the same time fearful and needy.

"Yeah." She sat up. "Yeah. You okay?"

"I won't be if I have to suffer through one more of Kodama's meals," the younger girl said sulkily.

"Nozomi," Hikari said. That was all it took.

"Sorry," the little girl replied, wilting. "But you know how her cooking is!"

"Yeah," Hikari said with a laugh. "I know."

"Yay!" Nozomi bounced over and grabbed her older sister's arm, obviously intent on dragging her out of bed by any means necessary. "C'mon, c'mon!"

"Alright already," Hikari laughed, trying not to stumble.

As she went through the familiar routine of cooking, cleaning, and generally preparing for school, jumbled memories returned to her in fits and starts.

A sharp pricking sensation, then dizziness. A chaotic mess of images and half-dreams, then a middle-aged woman with bleached-blonde hair looking down at her with eyes that tried to cover up a deep sense of sadness and regret. Hikari was adept as reading people. She had to be, to fulfill her duties at school.

"_Eva has chosen you, Hikari. You're going to become a pilot. For now, just rest. You'll feel better soon."_

A sense of giddiness washed over her as she realized that it was mere hours until her first activation test. She wouldn't even be able to go back to school, not until much later in the day, and probably not even then. The guilt brought on by this was firmly pushed away by her sudden excitement.

"-really Kodama, how can you mess up boiled rice?" Nozomi's giggle was matched by her older sister's glower. "You just look at something and it starts burning!" She took another helping of rice, and then piled several spoonfuls of dried seaweed onto the other side of her plate, digging in.

"Shut it, you," the older girl growled. "I didn't see you helping." Though her attitude was surly, she too was eating as if starved. "All you ever do is complain. If it weren't for me-"

"Kodama, stop it," Hikari said, nibbling at the small rolled omelet on her plate. Her stomach was growling, but even though she was hungry, she couldn't eat for the butterflies in her stomach. Her excitement made the familiar arguments more annoying than usual. She glanced at the clock, willing it to move faster towards the magic hour.

"But Hikari, it's the truth! She-"

"Hey, at least I try!" Nozomi retorted. "All you do is throw things into a pot and turn the heat all the way up!"

"Shut up! You don't know what you're talking about-"

Hikari set her chop-sticks down, trying to control her breathing. Normally by now she would have had both sisters in hand, and would have taken charge of things. Normally she would have kept her anger on a tight leash. Anger was fuel, it provided her with the strength necessary to keep a home, or an unruly class, in order. With it she was able to do what was necessary to keep the peace, but only if it was controlled.

She felt her head spinning and sat back, placing the palms of her hands over her eyes, trying to relieve the pressure that was building up in her mind. She couldn't speak now, she knew that. If she spoke now, whatever she said she would regret later.

Left unchecked, her two sisters argued more vehemently. She felt something stir in the pit of her stomach, and knew if she didn't leave right now, she knew she would do something that would only make things worse.

Her legs wouldn't move. She couldn't move, couldn't think, and so she withdrew inside herself, trying to distance herself from the anger. Furious things took place around her, but that didn't matter. She was protected, safe. Loud noises, screams, then silence.

One, two, five seconds of silence, and she creaked her eyes open. Her hands were balled into fists and on the table, no longer over her eyes, but she only noted that in passing.

_I must have dropped them at some point,_ she figured. Kodama's mouth was open, and her face was a mixture of shock and anger, quickly fading to fright. Nozomi had scooted over in her chair and actually had an arm clutched around one of her sister's arms. Her eyes were wide with surprise and fear.

"Good," Hikari said, looking from one to the other. "It's nice to see you two getting along. Now let's eat."

She picked her chopsticks back up, and noticed her hand was trembling. She frowned at it. After a moment, it stopped. She took a bite of her omelet, surprised to find herself suddenly very hungry.

* * *

The end of a school day heralded relief for the majority of students at Tokyo-3 Junior High, with the exception of the select few students that might have to work late into the evening. One such person slowly packed his books, while his friend shot furtive glances around.

"Touji, if Hikari did happen to walk in, she'd definitely think you were up to something."

The jock shot him a look of mixed terror and hurt pride.

"Man, she's not the only one I'm worried about. There's also-"

"Hey Shinji!" Asuka's sharp voice made the boy's head snapped around as if it were on a swivel. "You got the call, right?"

"Yeah," Shinji said, straightening up and facing her. "Just a little while ago."

"Good," she said, holding his gaze for a few moments more than was usual. Apparently satisfied, she turned to go. "Just wanted to make sure I didn't have to track your ass down later," she said without looking back. Touji waited until she had disappeared through the door before speaking.

"Is it just me, or has she been more creepy than normal the past few days?" he muttered.

"Dunno," Shinji replied, hefting his backpack and turning to leave.

"So what was that all about? Are you working tonight?"

"I am later," Shinji answered.

"Oh? Cool. Let's hang at the arcade."

"Sure, why not," Shinji said resignedly. "Where's Kensuke, by the way?"

"On one of his 'information gathering' exercises," Touji remarked offhandedly. "You know how that goes. What's up, man? You look too down for someone who's picked up yet another female admirer," Touji needled as they headed for the door. Shinji's confused look made him snort in amusement. "I'm talking about Morana, you klutz! You seriously don't get that vibe from her?"

"So you're on a first name basis?" Shinji said, smiling involuntarily.

"She's from America, dude," Touji said conspiratorially. "They're a lot more open over there. I even hear-" he looked around one more time for Hikari, "I hear they treat a kiss as if it were a casual greeting!"

"Just keep thinking that," Shinji said, rolling his eyes, smiling, and putting a hand on his friend's back as if he were shepherding along a mentally ill patient.

The walk to the main arcade in the small strip mall five blocks from school was less crowded than it usually was, probably from the recent memory of battle, days earlier. Most parents were still on edge.

The flashing lights and repeating wait-screens of the many game consoles beckoned whoever was passing, hypnotic and seductive patterns intended to draw a potential gamer in. Touji arrowed straight for the hoop-shooter game.

"Ah, I've waited for this," the boy said, cracking his knuckles. "I can feel it, Ikari, today's the day I break my old record!"

Shinji sighed, shaking his head ruefully.

"I honestly don't see why you come here, rather than just go to the court."

"The court doesn't have a high-score meter," Touji said wisely, dropping two coins into the machine, which immediately lit up with flashing arrows pointing towards the basket at the end. He set himself and was soon in the zone, focused on nothing but the basket, and the row of balls waiting to be tossed.

The basketball machine was in the center of the arcade. To Shinji's right were various fighting games mixed with the standard classics. To his left were the driving games. He turned left, knowing full well that when his friend had achieved his success, he would seek him out and they would duel on the road.

He passed by a row of three photo booths decorated with garish pink curtains and flashy colors. Three laughing girls burst from the first one, and he paused, waiting for them to pass before continuing on. One of them looked back at him for a moment, then returned her attention to her two friends. Seconds later giggles erupted, then faded with distance. He knew by the hushed whispers that the second booth was also occupied.

_I wonder if I'll ever be able to do that._

He smiled wistfully, looking up at the pictures of ecstatic couples lining the walls of the booths.

_I wonder if she would even show up on film._

It was a question that probably would have excited Kensuke, with his sharp scientific mind. If she was visible to his eyes, there was no reason she couldn't be visible to a camera's lens. Thinking about it only made him miss her more. He turned to go lose himself in a driving simulator, only to be stopped dead by a light touch on his arm. Before he could think about it, he had been dragged into the third photo booth and someone was pressing their lips to his. In the moments while his mind was still functioning, he noted that he'd been wrong. Morana's eyes actually were a very deep purple, up close.

* * *

The respect, the subtle widening of the eyes, the slight bow of the attendant when she entered the way-station for the journey down into the Geofront, it was all new to Hikari. To her, it felt like she was inheriting the praise and adulation that rightfully belonged to the other pilots, who had actually engaged the enemy and fought to earn it.

The slow descent towards the sparkling paradise laid out below only increased the butterflies she felt, giving her time to worry, time to think about possible failure.

_Eva has chosen you._

Why had it taken so long? It was like training for battle in the middle of the war. It didn't make sense. Asuka had trained most of her life for this. Oh, she knew about Shinji's meteoric rise as a pilot, and how he had turned out to be a natural pilot, even matching someone like Asuka, but that had been sheer luck, at least on NERV's part for finding him.

"Hey, you're early. Pilot Horaki, right?" She was slim with short boyish black hair and a genial smile. "I'm Maya Ibuki."

Hikari accepted the proffered hand, smiling hesitantly back.

"So I guess I'm the Fourth Child, right?"

Maya's mouth ticked downward, the light flickering momentarily.

"My God, they haven't told you." She glance away wistfully, before turning to meet her eyes directly. "You're inheriting the designation of First Child, actually."

Hikari blinked, eyes wide with understanding.

"But... Ayanami-"

"-is dead. Was killed," Maya amended angrily.

"Who did it?"

"We don't know," Maya barked a laugh. "To tell you the truth, some of us think she might have suicided. God, I'm sorry," she said, swiping at her eyes. "I'm sure this is the really helping your nerves."

"Haha..."

Well, at least now all the extra security made sense.

"Anyway, just take it easy until the Harmonics test," Maya said, smiling warmly. "Just try not to get lost. It's a maze down here until you get used to it." The woman walked off, her heels clicking loudly against the solid floor.

"Yeah," Hikari breathed, looking around as if for the first time. Giant machinery loomed silently around her, along with the ever-present hiss of high-speed escalators. No matter how good security was, both in terms of manpower and electronics, keeping a place like this secure had to be an almost impossible task.

_She's dead._

Somehow the words felt false, as if a part of her lived on, somewhere. A short scuffle drew her attention around the edge of a circular green metal tank of some kind. Curious, she walked into the shadows, where she had seen the movement. She came face to face with one frozen Kensuke Aida. The boy looked at her fearfully, his eyes as unblinking as the camera he was holding.

"Why are you here?" She hissed. "_How_ are you here?"

"Ayanami," he said, swallowing nervously. "She's-"

"Yeah, she's dead," Hikari snapped. "This," she shook her head, backing away slowly, "this goes beyond... _anything_ I've seen you do...! What do you think they'll do when they find you?" She felt her control hanging by tatters. "Someone in our class is dead! And it's my first day as a new pilot...! How _could_ you-?"

"Wow!" he exclaimed. "I guess I'm just lucky...!" Excitement battled with fear, bringing a spontaneous grin. His smile faltered as she stepped slowly towards him. "Hi-Hikari, it's not a big deal!" he squeaked. "It's not like I'll be spreading this around, it's just for my personal collection...!"

The nearest warm body was over a hundred meters away, nursing a cup of coffee. She didn't even hear the abbreviated gurgle.

* * *

When she let him up for air, all he could do was pull back and look at her, his mouth hanging open. This close, she was just as he remembered. The long wispy black hair, the dancing purple eyes, the mischievous smile, and she wasn't disappearing. She was solid and warm in his arms, his girlfriend. She pulled him close, laying her head on his shoulder and reaching up a hand to his cheek to turn his head.

"Smile at the camera, silly," she whispered. He smiled and blinked stupidly.

"Back in class you acted as if you didn't even know me," she said, pouting prettily and looking at him out of the corner of her eyes. "What's a girl to think?"

Everything was wiped out. Touji outside shooting hoops, the upcoming sync test, Kensuke's absence, it all disappeared beneath the tumult of feelings threatening to overwhelm him. His mouth opened and closed several times.

"I love you," he finally said. He didn't even try to figure a way through her usual teasing. He would endure it all, and love it. Many times he had questioned his sanity, but now she was real, undeniable.

"Right answer," she purred, squeezing him and putting her lips to his cheek.

For a moment it all made sense, and a weight lifted from his shoulders.

"Ayanami," he said. "She-"

"-wanted a purpose," Morana said, taking his left hand in her own and toying with the individual fingers. "And I wanted a body."

"It's that simple?" he said with a chuckle.

"Of course it's not that simple," she answered, castigating him for a moment with her eyes, which then softened. "But it's all you'd understand, in your current state."

"Huh." He looked down, searching his mind desperately. All the questions fell away whenever he was near her. It had been that way when she had been a ghost, and it was more-so now. With a small tap two small cards deposited themselves in a tray set into the inner front wall of the photo booth. She stood suddenly, dragging him to his feet.

"I know you've got NERV work," she said demurely, dropping one of the photo cards into his hands and smiling. "So I'll see you at school tomorrow."

So saying, she gently pushed him through the curtains and back into the flashing lights and raucous noise of the arcade. Staring dumbly down at the picture card in his hands, he briefly wondered just how much she knew.

"Luckyyy...!" Touji had swiped the card from his hands before he could react. "Maaan, when I see something like this, it makes me with I was a pilot!" He wasn't pointing at the first panel, which was the kiss, he was pointing at the second, which showed the two of them looking at each other. The camera had perfectly captured Shinji's look of complete surprise and happiness, and Morana's joy at pulling such emotions out of him. "You can't fake that...!" the jock said, his finger shaking. "How could you hide this from me?" He accosted Shinji with a pseudo-hostile glare. "You two already knew each other, didn't you?"

"Yeah," Shinji said, laughing. "Something like that."

Touji was taken aback, having expected prompt and embarrassed denials.

"Well...?" He shook his friend by the collar, trying to roust him from the thousand-yard stare he was rapidly descending into. "Details, man, details!"

* * *

The pain was gone. That was the first thing Kensuke noticed. The next thing that jumped out at him was how dull and fuzzy everything was. He was in the shadows of a giant vat, and the high room had scant illumination to begin with, but he should have at least been able to see the edge of the moving escalator. He still heard the distant whoosh of it, as if it were at the end of a long tunnel, and everything around him was gray.

"What's happening?"

His voice was abnormally loud in his ears, blanking out everything else. His breath was harsh, surrounding and beating at him like waves against a soft sandy shore, eating away at his consciousness. If he could just see someone. Anyone. Something clear he could focus on, something to draw strength from...

"It's alright." The soft female voice made him turn to the left involuntarily. A quick jerking motion that left him faintly nauseated. "You're going to be alright."

The blue hair and crimson eyes he knew, but the calm smile on her face was alien to him.

"You," he pointed a shaking hand, "you're-"

"Death," she answered calmly. At the moment he didn't care if she called herself the devil, she was solid and clear, and he could feel her strength, see it in her eyes.

"As in, the Destroyer of Worlds, Shiva?" he joked breathlessly.

"No, just Death," she answered, reaching out and taking his hand. He shivered, expecting her touch to be icy, but it was warm. She spoke with such calmness he was beginning to believe her.

"What..." He swallowed nervously. "What happens now?"

"I'll show you," she replied, pulling at his hand, urging him into motion.


End file.
